POPULARITY IN RELATIONSHIPS
How to be liked, popular in social, casual, inmate relationships, friendships; what popularity is.
"I am popular, and people still don't like me!" screams a high school student in a discussion form. One advises: "Being popular means you're better than everyone else, so act like it!" Another complains: "People look down on me and my friends, because we're so popular!"
Popularity, even the meaning of do not know many. A glance at high school web-forms show it to be thought of as being rich, posh, an achiever, a show off -and a stigma to be regarded to be! That is far from even what it used to mean centuries ago: common.
Popularity is likeability; regardless of looks, wealth or position or intellect, being liked by other people.
A US president deemed more able and elected did not get the popularity vote -his opponent did ~another who when told someone was anticommunist replied "I don't care what kind of communist" did, also. A wealthier Italian news-media magnet was not popular with people, his rival was. A UK premier considered by women better looking didn't win the popularity vote -the older balding opposition-leader got the women's popularity vote.
Popularity isn't about being looked up to, looks, wealth -a fool and a genius, a weakling and a strongman, poor and rich, can be equally liked, enjoy personal popularity.
Popularity is not synonymous with socialising -you may socialise a lot, take part in all sorts of social activity, attend every party, but still not enjoy any popularity.
Being liked by others, popularity, have to do with one's attitude in one's socialising, interaction with people; the attitude that commonly, to the majority of the people, makes one somebody they like to deal or be with.
It's not being an angel or saintly, about views, opinions, likes, dislikes, preferences, but how one treats others.
People are like mirrors; popularity is based on that. If you stand in front of a mirror and make faces, that's what you get; if you smile, the mirror smiles back at you.
Popularity is respect based -not 'respect for authority', not in the 'yes sir' sense, but respect for others' right to be treated as they are regarded by people entitled to expect to be treated. This simply is being considerate in friendship and toward other people one deals with.
Being considerate is being sincere and helpful; or at least sympathetic, and if one can not be that either, then at the very least empathetic -understanding enough to respect others' right to their views, opinions, preferences ~for your right to same not to spoil theirs.
That is what respect for others means -but it makes you popular because it also makes others respect you.
People who must, do show respect for wealth or position; if they don't have to, here's their saying: Respect not even a king, if he doesn't respect you; but do respect also a pauper, if he respects you!
Let us look at it in literature, in verse (from a poem by O. Metiner - Birlik, 29 Jan 1993 -trnsltd.), about the popular Cypriot thinker-writer-poet the teacher, the late, Orhan Seyfi Ari - it tells it all:
His concern -so sincere!
Greatly respected everywhere!
Years spent -to illuminate!
More: hearts, his sultanate!
What's it saying? So respected, because he was sincerely concerned, helped -therefore popular.
Many fail in relationships with others, because they are not popular -popularity is not difficult. All one needs to do is to have regard in one's dealings to what people consider others entitled to expect.
That pays, and if you don't do that people think you are stupid, because you are not cashing in on it. But if you do, you do not become unpopular -you benefit, its psychological: a cop is nicer to you for speeding if you get out of the car. Why? Inside the car you are insisting on your territory -outside, recognising his status.
On such scientific experiments are based the gist of the experts' advice on popularity in relationships, below:-
To be considerate and become popular in relationships, be clever, use psychology to cash in on it: appreciate human nature in your relationships -which briefly is this:
One's major relationships, basically, are with people in four categories (the last three being interchangeable) with varying degrees of popularity: Blood relatives, e.g., parents or cousins -which one cannot choose; Intimate, e.g., spouses and lovers -which one carefully chooses; social, e.g., friends and acquaintances -some dearer than others; and, casual, e.g., work or class mates, the grocer, strangers -of necessity. (Within the last three one may become another.)
In all four relationships, each party in varying degrees feels protected by a physical personal space. Do not violate that personal space without permission -it makes people feel uncomfortable, your company disliked, you not popular: That personal space in the first two is about 1.5, in the last two 4 feet (45cm, 1.2m).
In all of these relationships people crave for something, depending the nature of the relationship, which makes the difference between being liked by them or not -popularity or unpopularity with them. In the first, blood relations, one craves for approval. In the second, spouses, lovers, expect understanding, affection, appreciation. In the third, social acquaintances, friends want popularity -to be liked by you. In the fourth, casual, others: co-operation. Showing these makes popular.
Here are some general rules about how to earn likeability, popularity, be famous, in these relationships:
The first two relationships, relatives, family relations or intimate relationships, have fewer such rules. This is because in matrimonial relationships, personal relations -steady emotional or sexual relationships, living together, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, habitually we take for granted or are caringly tolerant toward each other. We are more involved in these family or other intimate relationships. The constancy and importance of our dealings reflect others' personal likes, preferences more in close or intimate relationships, we know most.
Generally these earn one popularity in such intimate relationships: The elderly are somewhat set in their ways -popularity with them is appreciating that. In parenting, popularity with kids begins with empathising with them; if unsympathetic, still being understanding -to be popular with teenagers make them feel that you regard them not as children but as gown ups.
In male and female relationships these remembering these boost one's likeability, popularity: With men, one is more popular if one does not make them appear or feel week. Women like romantic compliments, and to be made to laugh. In intimate relationships all like constant reassurance, to be shown appreciation, frequent praise. In such relationships these make liked, fonder, popular.
The other two kinds of relationships, with friends and acquaintances, with others, involve different measures for popularity. Popularity in social relationships depends on standard rules of conduct. To be popular socially, remember: Social relationships often are not so important to people as their intimate relationships; just as you do, others also like appreciation, even flattery.
The generally applicable rules of being famously liked, popularity, in social, casual relationships are these:
Be a talker but do not bore ~also be a listener: give others a chance also to talk, to tell you about themselves. Appreciate the views of others, even if you disagree; do not criticise unnecessarily. To be popular, if someone wants to be clever avoid an inessential battle of wits. If it is important to you, do not spinelessly agree with the ridiculous; don't show up if unimportant -neither earn popularity. Be a sport if you have heard a joke before do not spoil another's fun or enjoyment. Do not be a stiff, join the laughter of a harmless trick on you. If suggesting something, ask if it is okay; show you value others. These make a famous personality, in social relationships earn one social popularity.
Popular friendships are special popular relationships. When confided in, do not betray confidences of friends. If depended on, do not allow yourself to be subjected to moral blackmail; but, if helping or consoling be positive and sincere. If your friend rejects your helpful advice it may be because of confusion, do not nag. If the issue is someone dear to you or to your friend try not to take sides ~never speak ill of someone dear to a friend, even if your friend does in anger (it passes). In unexpected visits don't stay too long -be considerate. Don't forget friends, keep in touch when they cannot; if away a phone call, letter, fax, email, postcard pleases - especially on birthdays, anniversaries ~ask how they are, show you care. These make famous with friends, boost your personal popularity rating in friendships.
It earns popularity with acquaintances to keep some distance; people dislike being taken for granted. In casual relationships it makes popular, it is expected, in one's dealings to be seen to be reasonable. If pursuing an interest, giving a stranger's role or status recognition gets co-operation -it's using psychology, cleverly cashing in on human nature, benefiting from popularity.
These tried and tested advice, tips on popularity, work.
It always works and earns popularity in relationships to always wear a smile; be fair, empathetic; show interest.
